28 Years Old: 10 Life Lessons
Over the years, I have come to realize the importance of principles. As humans, we struggle to do the right thing when the wrong choice is the easier thing to do. We have all been in situations where we know what to do, but we do a more satisfying thing. You aren't weak-minded; you are just human.
The key to overcoming this human fallacy is to have external rules or principles to hold you accountable. When I was 24 years old, I wrote down ten lessons that I learned over my lifetime. I repeated the process last year while traveling to Nice from Paris. It was a five-hour train ride, and I needed something to do to pass the time. The rolling green hills provided the perfect scenery to reflect on life. By the end of the trip, I had updated my ten life lessons.
Today I turn 28 years old. 2020 has been filled with ups and downs, from a lost friend and family member to starting my own business. It has been a challenging year for all of us. So I am revisiting the lessons all over again. I was shocked to see how many teachings I had forgotten; principles that could have saved me from self-inflicted trouble and worry. The pandemic isn’t going away anytime soon. So I hope my ten lessons can help you during these difficult times.
#1 Don’t Look At Your Phone Upon Waking
It is a simple rule that has had a profound effect on my day. I wake up around 430am most mornings and don’t look at my phone until work starts at 5:15 am. Each morning begins with a glass of water and meditation, followed by homemade coffee and journaling. I enjoy the quiet mornings. I can reflect on my life in peace with zero distractions from my phone.
#2 Practice Gratitude
My parents told me to be grateful for everything we had. But I could never grasp the concept of gratitude until I started journaling. I started using the 5 Minute Journal four years ago. Currently, I am on my 8th one. Each morning, it asks you to write down three things of gratitude. The act may seem small and a waste of time, but it has made life more enjoyable.
Journaling reminds me to appreciate the little things in life; a hot coffee after a sleepless night, a smile from a cute girl, or a beautiful day. In a world where we always compare ourselves to others, it can be easy to forget how lucky we are. It is essential to understand that gratitude is a muscle; it requires daily repetition. We must train ourselves to appreciate the food, water, and shelter we use every day. The 5 Minute Journal is an excellent place to start. (ORDER HERE)
“Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.” -Marcus Aurelius
#3 Choose Your Friends Wisely
Friendships can have a massive impact on one's life, especially during a pandemic, when human interaction is limited. The people we are with most influence our thoughts, decisions, and behaviors. For example, a study of 12,000 people found a 57% increase in obesity risk after a close friend became obese (1).
Friends bring out the best or the worst in us. I have found that certain friends can keep me motivated and focused on my goals, whereas others knock me off course. We are creatures of habit and mimic others around us. Therefore, we need to surround ourselves with smart, honest people who will let us know when we step out of line.
#4 Practice Meditation
For the past six years, I have used Headspace, a guided meditation app. It has helped me control my anxiety and not be a slave to my emotions. It has been shown to improve stress, anxiety, depression, and quality of life (2). A common misconception about meditation is the absence of thoughts. The purpose of meditation is to strengthen the ability to focus on one thing and not let thoughts distract us. Your thoughts are ideas that pop into the mind. They may persuade us to do certain things, but they don't control us.
You must train the mind to become less reactive to these feelings. It starts with sitting still and paying attention to the breath. The goal is to observe the thoughts and not get attached to the stories in our heads. After you acknowledge the idea, come back to the breath. Like any skill, it takes time to learn, but it is worth the effort.
#5 Take Extreme Ownership Through Journaling
It seems so simple, but I struggled with this for the longest time. I would continuously blame others for my “bad luck” or lack of opportunities in the past. I would never admit to my failures or flaws because I was afraid of being seen as inadequate. I masked this fear with an ego that deceived me and made me think I was better than I was. But I have come to my senses and realized that it was my fault and no one else's.
I know I am not alone in this behavior. I have seen this firsthand with my clients’ successes and failures. As a trainer, I have heard every excuse in the book when it comes to following a healthy diet. I have learned that the clients who saw the best results were the ones who were able to take ownership of their mistakes. It wasn’t easy for them, but it allowed them to see where they went wrong. Once they identified their errors, they were able to get back on track.
When we don’t accept our mistakes, we don’t allow ourselves to learn from them. We need to be honest with ourselves daily to see where we can improve. I have found journaling to be a useful tool for reflecting. I journal every morning and night, looking over the wins and losses of the day. My journals hold me accountable to my goals and have helped me become the best version of myself.
“Every day and night keep thoughts like these at hand--write them, read them aloud, talk to yourself and others about them.” - Epictetus
#6 Be First
As a trainer, you must have the ability to talk to people and build rapport with them. You have to be personable if you want to be successful. But throughout my life, I have always struggled to talk to strangers. So I had a decision to make, either overcome my shyness and fear of rejection or find a new job. Luckily, I came across the Tim Ferriss Podcast, where his guest, Gabrielle Reece, stated that her life mantra was “to be first.”
Since hearing this mantra, I have done my best to adopt it, and it has changed my life. The mantra gives me a sense of control in my life that I have never felt before. It gives me the courage to offer advice or ask for help from others. But it hasn’t been easy. In the beginning, I would stutter my words and talk too fast. I felt embarrassed but proud of myself for trying.
Each time I practiced the mantra, I became better and better. My words became more precise and smoother. I slowly started to develop confidence in myself that I didn’t know existed.
Nowadays, it is harder to go first. The masks and the pandemic have made it challenging to talk to others. But I implore you to go ahead and give it a try tomorrow. Strive to be the person who provides a friend with a compliment or a smile. You will be surprised by the power going first has on your life and other people.
#7 Go For A Hike
The Coronavirus pandemic has caused the world to come to a halt, increasing anxiety and stress levels with it. We must find a way to cope with the chaos that is life. For me, hiking has been just that. At the end of each hike, my mind and body are relaxed and content. The mindless chatter is quieted. I am at peace with myself and others. For me, hiking is therapy. I know it sounds like pseudoscience, but there’s research to back these experiences.
Forest bathing, also known as Shinrin-yoku, is a common practice in Japan where you take in the forest atmosphere through all of your senses. The simple method of exposing yourself to nature has been shown to do the following (3):
Reduced stress levels
Reduced blood pressure
Reduced heart rate
Improved immune function
I highly recommend being in nature once a week. If you don’t have any trails nearby, then go for a walk through a park. Do your mind and body a favor, bathe in the forest air.
#8 Listen More, Talk Less
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”-Epictetus
I have been very successful at meeting people throughout my career and turning them into my clients, but it was not due to my ability to talk; instead, it was due to my listening. Active listening is so simple but can have the most significant impact on a person’s life. Unfortunately, we hardly ever listen because our ideas and desires consume us. These thoughts don’t allow us to listen to the person in front of us.
Don't think about the next thing you will say. Just focus on the person in front of you and actively listen. Once they finish, let the awkward silence work its magic. Take a moment to think before you speak and then respond accordingly. Usually, the person will figure it out on their own, and when they figure it out themselves, it tends to stick better.
In a world where everyone is fighting to be heard, you can be the person who gives them that voice. Every single person in this world is craving to feel appreciated. The only way to make them feel important is through listening.
#9 Find A Mentor
“Surely it is of great use to a young man, before he sets out for that country, full of mazes, windings, and turnings, to have at least a general map of it, made by some experienced traveler.”- Lord Chesterfield to his son
I can't stress this one enough; finding a mentor or teacher to model has been the key to my success as a personal trainer. I entered the field as a blank slate at 19 years old. But I went out of my way to learn from the best in the business. I mimicked what they did and put my little spin on it.
Most likely, someone has already achieved the thing you want, so take the time to find out who that person is and learn from them. The person can be online or in-person; it doesn't have to be one or the other. Some of my mentors are Tim Ferriss, Ben House, Eric Cressey, Mike Robertson, Ryan Holiday, and Joe Rogan. I have never met any of them, but I have read their blogs, books and listened to their podcasts daily.
“Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is essentially your own.”-Bruce Lee
#10 Read The Book Again
Information bombards us today. There will always be another book to read or podcast to listen to. Instead of continually seeking new knowledge, aim to relearn previous lessons. Go back and reread the book. Some of my most significant insights have come from books that I have reread over the last few years. Here are a few that I highly recommend for personal growth:
Breath
The Molecule Of More
The Obstacle Is The Way
As Bruce Lee says, “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” And that is why I revisit my principles every year. It teaches me to focus on the few things that matter the most. Remember, less can be more.
References
Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. The New England journal of medicine, 357(4), 370–379. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa066082
Gotink, R. A., Meijboom, R., Vernooij, M. W., Smits, M., & Hunink, M. G. (2016). 8-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction induces brain changes similar to traditional long-term meditation practice - A systematic review. Brain and cognition, 108, 32–41. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bandc.2016.07.001
Song C, Ikei H, Miyazaki Y. Physiological Effects of Nature Therapy: A Review of the Research in Japan. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2016;13(8):781. Published 2016 Aug 3. doi:10.3390/ijerph13080781